Friday, September 9, 2011

C?mon Milan Lucic, don?t be that guy

If you're a Milan Lucic fan -- and who isn't, besides everyone that hates the Bruins and a minority of fans in his hometown -- you're willing to overlook some things. The occasional moment of swagger. The fact that's he's more of a luxury box than bleacher guy. The nose job.

The Boston Herald reported on Wednesday that a "highly intoxicated and hostile" Lucic and his girlfriend (HeraldSpeak: "galpal") got into a public tiff in the North End of Boston. Police questioned them, there was no physical assault or harm done. Which is a refreshing change of pace from, you know, every other time you hear a professional athlete ? or a blustery moron in the sports media ? got into a public spat with his girlfriend.

There was one troubling aspect of the report by the Herald's Gayle Fee and Laura Raposa (with Megan Johnson!) about the Boston Bruins forward, and something that might have to be added to the Things We Overlook About Lucic file:

Police questioned Lucic outside his condo and he told them: "My girlfriend is upstairs. We had an argument. We're fine. Why are you here at my house?"

As the officer continued to question Lucic, he "slammed his cell phone to the ground and yelled 'Do you know who I am?' " the police report states. At which point, the officer asked for identification and Lucic produced an ID from Vancouver, Canada.

C'mon, Milan ? don't be that guy.

First off, you're a professional hockey player in the United States. Studies have shown there's a 97-percent chance that the query "do you know who I am?" will be followed with "no, but then again I mostly watch ESPN."

Second, you're a professional hockey player in Boston, which means there's a better chance the backup catcher for the Red Sox can pull the "DYKWIA" card than you can. Yes, even with the Stanley Cup; only Tim Thomas gets that pass, even though he'd never use it.

Finally, look in the mirror, Looch. There's every chance a cop in Boston is going to hear you pull rank, assume you're Andy Pettitte and then it's Taser time.

So please, no more "DYKWIA." We were willing to look past the fact that the Bruins were a Boston sports franchise attempting to win yet another title for that championship-blessed region, due to your team's blue-collar scrappiness and everyman quality.

"DYKWIA" is not an everyman quality. You don't see a dude pushing a broom outside the Garden dropping "DYKWIA" on anyone. And until last week's episode of "Curb," that dude very well could have been Bill Buckner.

So Milan, we know who you are, and you're not the kind of guy that should be pulling the "DYKWIA" trick. Because you're a hockey player. And hockey players are men of action, not words. Which is why the correct thing to do in the future is to offer the police $1 billion to ignore the situation. Because the police are generally underpaid, and because it won't disqualify you from the Hall of Fame.


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